Restore the Love

Elizabeth Bernstein writing for the Wall Street Journal (April 16, 2011), enlightens us on how to argue, or how best to handle your anger. In the article I was delighted to stumble upon love. She advises us, "Before telling someone you are angry, remind yourself of the purpose of speaking up. 'The intention is not to get something off your chest or to dump something on the other person.' The intention is to restore the affinity and the love in the relationship."

I think if we could remember this it would help us in our relationships. It's always about moving us back into a loving relationship. It's about restoring that which is lost. The goal of arguing is not to make them "see," but to place us back into harmony...love.

Live Like Loved People

The preacher declared today at Easter Sunday service:

"Resurrection people live like loved people."

If only we lived a fully actualized life of the people we are: loved people.

Loved people act differently, think differently, love more distinctly.

Live today like the loved person you are. After all, God loved you so much He sent His Son to die for you. His Son loved you enough to die for your salvation. We truly are loved people. Why don't we act that way?

Framing Love

Frederick Buechner uses the example of a frame to set something off. It is designed to make us stop and pause long enough to pay attention. He goes on to say, "If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors." He goes on to explain: "With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in." (p. 51-53, Listening to Your Life)

Frame some loved one today, just like you do in silver frames. Really see them, enjoy them, admire them, and truly love them.

Arguing as an expression of loving

I read an article on "5 Habits of Successful Couples" by Dr. Pepper Schwartz (AARP, March 15, 2011). The part that caught my eye in the keys was the one on how loving couples argue:

"They know how to fight fairly. It's not that happy couples never argue. Most couples have disagreements. But in a mature relationship, power isn't defined by winning an argument or getting one's way. True power comes from knowing how to discuss differences fully and honestly. If you demean your partner when you disagree, and if, at the end of an argument, you do not feel stronger and more intimate than you did before you started — you are not building a stronger, more loving relationship.Successful couples know how to argue with class and dignity. They may disagree, but in the end, they end up understanding — and respecting — their differences."

The part I thought was the best was: "If, at the end of an argument, you do not feel stronger and more intimate than you did before you started - you are not building a stronger, more loving relationship." Knowing how to disagree, is a part of knowing how to love. It even becomes a way to express your love and extend your love.